Should strong men cry?

Luka Chuppi

Even before the movie ‘Rang De Basanti’ had released I had listened to ‘Luka Chuppi’ song a million times – touching music, Lataji and ARR’s mesmerising singing, the heart-rending lyrics – it was a totally other worldly experience for me. Watch the live recording if you haven’t – you are likely to get goosebumps: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b70zbqpuDno

When the movie released, 5 of my friends – all guys - went to theatre to watch it. When this song came up, all of us were quite literally fighting tears. Well, who can’t – when you see a son going on to serve the Airforce and then returns in a box with the national flag flapped over it? If I had to choose one of the most emotional scenes in entire Indian cinema, I would pick that song. I later happened to watch Sehwag fighting tears too while listening to the song rendition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0sZ2vHUhFo

I didn’t think much about it then. But later it struck me: why were we all holding tears rather than cry freely? World over, different cultures say “real men shouldn’t cry”. But is that right?

Federer’s “God! it’s killing me”

I am a huge Federer fan. My roommates used to support Nadal just to irritate me. When Federer lost Australian Open in 2009 and cried out saying “God! It’s killing me”, even Nadal was moved. Nadal, inspite of winning the championship, had to go to the extent of saying “I feel sorry for Federer. I am sure you will achieve many more laurels”. My roommates made so much fun of Federer calling him a ‘cry baby’. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCjw0Unm8OY

(image credit: CNN)

Federer was too overwhelmed to withhold tears at the end of Aussie open this year too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A72M2mZ2wHA

The radio commentator in AO Radio was telling “Well, who can’t be overwhelmed? We were crying too!” Same thing was echoed by other former and current Tennis players like Chris Evert and Eugenie Bouchard.

Is it a sign of weakness for Federer to cry when he wins or loses? I don’t think so.

Father George’s experience

When I was doing my Under Graduation, Professor Father George was the closest to all students compared to all other Professors. He narrated an incident that happened after Tsunami struck Tamil Nadu in 2004.

He went to a village that has almost been washed away – most people were dead and survivors had lost most of their possessions. He met with a survivor whose entire family was dead – his grandparents, parents, uncle’s family, his spouse and kids – all were dead. He was crying to Father George “Why only I had to survive? Why didn’t God kill me too?”

Father George was fighting tears as he was telling this to us “I had gone there precisely to comfort such people. But when that guy told his story, I found it hard not to cry and I was searching for an answer to give him.” As he was telling this, the 10 male students including me were desperately fighting tears. Later, I was left wondering why the 10 of us were fighting tears when we heard this story. Anyone having a bit of empathy and kindness left in him would cry in such a moment right?

(For those of you thinking what happened afterward in Father George’s story: Finally, Father George summoned up the courage and told him “God has left you alive because he has a higher purpose for you. Take heart. Show your kindness to other souls in distress.”  I later came to know this phenomenon experienced by the survivor is known as Survivor’s guilt: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt )

Should real men cry?

Science says crying is a natural way of stress relief. It signals to yourself and others that you have something that needs to be attended to. The more you bottle up, more stress builds up and it will ultimately harm you.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/11884611/Why-men-need-to-learn-how-to-cry.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/minority-report/201601/real-men-cry

Men who face depression and anxiety find it difficult to come out of it because they feel they will be considered vulnerable if they seek support. This is really wrong. When you need support, seek that. There is nothing wrong about it.

It doesn’t matter whether you are a male or a female – seeking support and crying are signs of strength – not weakness. There is absolutely nothing shameful about it. Ditch the foolish ideal “men don’t cry” – it is doing more harm than good to put up a “brave” face. Be bold and break such stereotypes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td1PbsV6B80

Startups fighting with biggies – an analogy with sports

Dhoni was asked the question just before ODI world cup 2015: which team do you think has the best bowling attack. Dhoni replied that it doesn’t matter. We need to see what best we can do with our bowling attack. It is a practical answer. Startups face similar situation – they can’t afford to have expensive resources. But they can bring out the best out of the given team.

This is what is happening in EPL. We see teams like Leicester City FC which was fighting against relegation last year going for glory this year. Claudio Ranieri has truly brought about a revolution. I feel this is the best year in his coaching career because of this feat. When you are handed a team with rich owners you can afford to bring the best talent and pick and choose. Over here, managing a team which the pundits describe as a ‘one-man team’, he has been able to achieve victory and be a motivation for entire world to show money is not everything.

Yesterday’s victory in which Jamie Vardy had to watch from the sidelines is a classic example of his leadership. You back up the players that you have and show them the direction and put confidence in them – they will take care of the rest.

Same can be said about Rafa Benitez for his bold decision to take up the top job at struggling Newcastle. You won’t see everyday a coach who managed a top team in the world like Real Madrid go and coach a team struggling for survival in the Premier League. This shows that Football is like Oxygen for a good coach like Benitez. He relishes the challenge of bringing them out of trouble. The way he marshalled his resources in an unruffled manner against top teams like Manchester City and Liverpool and took them to fighting draws after being down shows his strength of character.

In a startup, many a times you will observe them fighting against all the odds – limited financial and human resources and competition from Big companies for the same market. But at the end it all falls down to how motivated your employees are – because they are the ones who will make all the difference.

I recently read a quote of FreshDesk founder Girish Mathrubootham and a similar line has been told by many other startup founders too: Always recruit for attitude. Skills can be built. An employee with right attitude will show eagerness to skill himself and help the startup and himself win. Simple as it might sound there lies the key for success!

http://www.fourfourtwo.com/news/leicester-were-afraid-italian-tactics-ranieri-reveals-his-secret

http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2016/mar/11/rafael-benitez-newcastle-united-real-madrid

Failure is not final - it is just a success that got postponed

Harsha Bhogle told during a lecture that in Australian Army, they will reject candidates who have faced no failures in their life! Because such guys won’t know what to do in a war situation in which they are facing failure. They will be stunned and won’t be able to respond appropriately. Hence they are rejected though they might have all the relevant skills!

I met with a friend who couldn’t clear IAS exams in 4 attempts (max no. of attempts was 4 at his time). He was a guy who had the dream to become a Collector right from his school days. He cleared the written exams with top mark but he was rejected during the interview for flimsy reason like he had given lowest pritority for IFS (Indian Foreign Service). For the uninitiated, the exam for IAS, IFS, IRS, etc is same and they have to give priorities for each of these positions in their application. Apparently the chief panel member who was interviewing him was IFS and she felt that his priorities are ‘wrong(!)’ and hence gave him very low marks which ultimately led to him being rejected!

He was telling that there are so many like him who couldn’t clear it in 4 attempts. There are many cases where such failed aspirants have committed suicide. I felt sad. These are the guys who could have become the future leaders of our country.

My friend is made of stronger stuff and he has moved on with another profession successfully. I couldn’t understand how others cope with such pressures. My own friend had prepared for over 8 years after college for IAS preparations. Most of his productive age (21-30) have been spent on this and he couldn’t clear it. This was similar to the efforts of many other candidates. Just imagine how it will be if you are unfairly rejected after all that effort because the interviewer thought your priority given for IFS are wrong!

Since all these candidates have spent full-time on the preparation, they can’t get any other job easily. Most Companies place importance to the candidates’ educational qualifications and experience rather than attitude.

I don’t understand why Private Companies won’t consider them for leadership roles. After all, these guys have been determined like anything to become leaders – right from young age. Most of them have the right attitude to lead the country itself – why won’t they be able to lead a company?

More importantly, they have faced failures. As per the example of Australian Army, now they can handle anything right? Why failures are considered a bad thing by recruiters? If recruiters want similar candidates it will be equivalent of looking for similar looking cookies from cutter.

They will get such candidates but can such candidates face failure situations? Can such candidates think out of the box under pressure situations?

When will our society start to think that failures are not to be looked down upon rather be treasured? When will we start accepting failure as solid proof that one has at least had the courage to think differently and give it a shot? When will the realization dawn on us that Failure is simply a postponement of Success?

Is Dhoni the best Indian captain ever?

Dhoni has his share of followers and critics. Most of his critics focus on his unconventional style of batting and say his captaincy is all about fluke. I have watched him live in an IPL match and felt that his shots are not at all elegant though it fetches runs. I agree that his batting will definitely not please the purists but the point I want to discuss is about his leadership. Do all his decisions boil down to fluke or are they all rewards for cool thinking under pressure?

Captain Cool

Indians are used to watching emotional people like Ganguly as captain of the team. Shouting on the field was considered as aggression. When a phlegmatic Dhoni took upon the reins, he showed to the world how a cool headed leader can calm the nerves of his team mates and take them to victory.

Dhoni himself has told that a captain should not show emotions on the field:

“You have to look calm and cool because when you walk up to a bowler to boost him, you can't have a worried look on your face. That certainly won't help his confidence. A captain has to be emotionless, especially when he has to ask his bowlers and fielders to do certain things on the field. Deep down, however, you may be worried about your bowling changes and about your plans coming unstuck too.”

Impressed with this coolness under pressure, Steve Waugh, one of the most successful captains ever, tells that Kohli has to learn from Dhoni and keep his emotions in check.

Gut feeling or Flashes in the pan?

Lots have been talked about Dhoni’s decision to make useless bowlers like Joginder Sharma to bowl the final over in 2007 World T20 final and win. I still remember the dialogue my friend told when Joginder was called to bowl instead of Harbhajan “he looks like a guy going to sell pani puris. How on earth is this guy going to win us the match?” Dhoni just went with his instincts that pace will be better than spin for final over and it clicked.

Similarly the decision to bowl Ishant Sharma the 18^th over in Champions trophy final against England paid off. That decision was taken inspite of Ishant being expensive in his previous overs.

During 2015 ODI worldcup, Dhoni was asked who has the best bowling lineup. He simply told that doesn't matter because he needs to work with what he got and no point in thinking about what is not there. The above are examples of considering the match situation and using the options available.

There have been times when his decisions have gone wrong and he has admitted them openly that he just went with the options he had. For instance asking Ishant Sharma to bowl at the death and paying the price for it. Dhoni told that Vinay Kumar, the other pace bowler at that time also got hit for runs so he just tried Ishant. Sometimes gut feeling works and sometimes it doesn’t. That’s the way it is – sports is unpredictable. But a smart captain will try to bring victory by trying different things rather than going with the tried and tested methods.

His gut feeling is not without any basis. For instance in the just concluded T20 worldcup, in THAT final over of Hardik Pandya against Bangladesh, he knew the bowler’s strength was to bowl bouncers. He also knew that Yorkers could end up as full tosses. So he asked Hardik to focus on his strength and the rest is history.

Presence of mind

In the same over of Hardik Pandya, Dhoni anticipated the bye in the last delivery and kept his gloves removed before the ball was bowled. He also ran and broke the stumps instead of throwing thus avoiding overthrow/miss. This might be ordinary thing to do but under pressure he had the presence of mind to think all these.

He cheekily remarked after that match that once the final over starts he can take all the time in the world because a captain cannot be fined. This is also something that won’t occur to many under pressure situations.

In IPL, I have seen him waiting for the batsman to cross over and then break the stumps for run-out so that the weaker batsman stays and the stronger batsman loses his wicket. Again this is something that will occur only to a person who is cool-headed.

Small but significant gestures

Dhoni has shown gestures like letting Dada do the captaincy during his last test on the last day. He always lets his teammates to bask in glory and stands behind when they win any cup.

He gives all the credit to his teammates when they win. If you put yourselves in the shoes of a team member, all these gestures are small things but very valuable.

 

In the opinion of teammates

Sachin and Dravid have told that Dhoni is the best captain they have played under. Lastly, as Ganguly himself has put it ‘Nobody is perfect. MS Dhoni has been great’!

http://indianexpress.com/article/sports/cricket/nobody-is-perfect-and-ms-dhoni-has-been-great-sourav-ganguly/

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/sa-in-india/interview/A-captain-has-to-be-emotionless/articleshow/2949540.cms?

http://www.newindianexpress.com/cricket/interviews/Kohli-Needs-to-Learn-From-Dhoni-Waugh/2015/04/15/article2765526.ece

http://www.dnaindia.com/sport/report-ms-dhoni-defends-decision-to-give-ishant-sharma-48th-over-that-cost-game-says-he-was-just-using-an-option-1905820

http://www.businesstoday.in/magazine/case-study/cricket-the-success-story-of-mahendra-singh-dhoni/story/15061.html

Everything happens for a reason!

I am a firm believer in the thought 'Everything happens for a reason' - no matter whether something good or bad happens. Too often we are able to accept when a good thing happens for us whereas when something bad happens, human tendency is to ask "Why me God? Why did it happen to me of all persons in the world?"

After reading 'the difficulty of being good' book by Gurcharan Das, I got more interested in the great epic Mahabharatha. The epic says Arjuna tells his wife Subhadra how to enter into Chakravyuha. Abhimanyu who was in her womb at that time listens to it. Krishna distracts Arjuna and takes him away before Arjuna could explain how to come out of Chakravyuha. Krishna (not Arjuna) was also guru of Abhimanyu but he never taught him how to break out of Chakravyuha.

During the Mahabharatha war, Pandavas had only 11 akshouhinis (battalions)and were numerically inferior to Kauravas who had 18 akshouhinis. Pandavas were losing the battles for the first 13 days mainly because Arjuna had the guilty feeling that he is fighting against his own kith and kin and did not fight to his full potential.

Jayadratha, brother-in-law of Duryodhana had a boon from Lord Shiva that he will be able to hold off all the Pandavas except Arjuna for one whole day during a war. Jayadratha’s father obtained a boon from Lord Shiva that whoever puts Jayadratha’s head to ground will turn to ashes.

On the fateful 13^th day, Chakravyuha was formed for the first time by Kauravas. Arjuna and Krishna who knew how to break the Chakravyuha were distracted to other side of the battlefield.  16 year old Abhimanyu was forced to enter into Chakravyuha since there was nobody else on Pandavas side who knew how to enter into the vyuha. When Pandavas tried to enter the vyuha behind Abhimanyu to support him, Jayadratha used his boon and held all of them simultaneously and ensured that Abhimanyu got trapped alone inside the vyuha. 6 Kaurava warriors including Drona and Karna brutally attacked Abhimanyu and killed him. They used illegal methods like attacking simultaneously (only one-on-one attack was considered ethical in that time), attacking from backside, attacking an unarmed man, etc.

When Arjuna came to know this, he vowed to kill Jayadratha before the sun set on the next day or else he will end his life. Krishna chided him for making such a rash oath. The next day, Arjuna and all the Pandavas fought vigorously and destroyed 7 akshouhinis  of Kauravas within a single day. Arjuna not only killed Jayadratha but also made Jayadratha’s head fall on the lap of his father who was meditating. Jayadratha’s father was shocked and put down his son’s head and thus he burst into pieces. It turned out that his boon will turn out to be his bane.

I was thinking why Krishna did not teach Abhimanyu how to break out of Chakravyuha. Why did he let this unethical killing happen in the first place? As a God, he ought to have stopped this right? I was researching on the internet and found quora answers and other links on the same topic. The answer given is this:

As a God, Krishna needed to make sure that Dharma prevails ultimately. This can happen only if the Pandavas win and for that to happen Arjuna needed to fight to his full potential without any compunction. Abhimanyu’s unethical and brutal death turned out to be the turning point of the war and the same Arjuna who didn’t fight to his full potential during the first 13 days was invigorated by his death and destroyed the opposition. The Pandavas won decisively on 14^th day and the war ended by 18^th day – just 5 days after his death. Abhimanyu’s death can thus be considered as a sacrifice in order to achieve the bigger goal of ultimate victory of Dharma. This shows why Krishna did not teach Abhimanyu the way to break out of Chakravyuha.

Time and time again, in Mahabharatha it is proved that we may not understand God’s ways but ultimately everything happens for good. It doesn’t mean we should not work hard and hope that God will help us. It just means we need to give our 100% in whatever we do and leave the rest to God.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abhimanyu

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jayadratha

http://chakravyuha1.blogspot.in/

https://www.quora.com/Why-did-Lord-Krishna-take-Arjun-away-from-the-battlefield-when-Abhimanyu-was-trying-to-break-the-Chakravyuh-and-fight-the-Kauravs

http://vharicharan.blogspot.in/2010/09/great-war-day-13.html

http://vharicharan.blogspot.in/2010/09/great-war-day-14.html

http://gurcharandas.org/the-difficulty-of-being-good

One beautiful evening at XL

The evening sky at XL is one of the most beautiful things for a photographer... A splendid sunset throws rays that extends well into the night. I have tried to capture some of the most resplendent moments
The times that we spend doing "adda" at JLT, our corridors reminiscent of the fun we've had there, and a green city...Go have a look...
Splendid evening at XL

Simbhu and his acting

i asked sk how was VTV... here goes the conversation:

karthicksaravanan: trisha was too good..
everything was good.. except simbu's acting


muthuraja: that's only to be expected :P


karthicksaravanan: madhavan or sitharth would have done it better..
but its a tough role..
not of his type..


muthuraja: which role is of his type da?
;)

muthuraja: whenever rahul dravid gets out u used to say "that was an unplayable ball da"... ippo simbuvukku "kashtamana role da"...

ippadiye vetti pasangala support pannitu iru :)

karthicksaravanan: :)