Luka Chuppi
Even before the movie ‘Rang De Basanti’ had released I had listened to ‘Luka Chuppi’ song a million times – touching music, Lataji and ARR’s mesmerising singing, the heart-rending lyrics – it was a totally other worldly experience for me. Watch the live recording if you haven’t – you are likely to get goosebumps: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b70zbqpuDno
When the movie released, 5 of my friends – all guys - went to theatre to watch it. When this song came up, all of us were quite literally fighting tears. Well, who can’t – when you see a son going on to serve the Airforce and then returns in a box with the national flag flapped over it? If I had to choose one of the most emotional scenes in entire Indian cinema, I would pick that song. I later happened to watch Sehwag fighting tears too while listening to the song rendition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0sZ2vHUhFo
I didn’t think much about it then. But later it struck me: why were we all holding tears rather than cry freely? World over, different cultures say “real men shouldn’t cry”. But is that right?
Federer’s “God! it’s killing me”
I am a huge Federer fan. My roommates used to support Nadal just to irritate me. When Federer lost Australian Open in 2009 and cried out saying “God! It’s killing me”, even Nadal was moved. Nadal, inspite of winning the championship, had to go to the extent of saying “I feel sorry for Federer. I am sure you will achieve many more laurels”. My roommates made so much fun of Federer calling him a ‘cry baby’. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCjw0Unm8OY
(image credit: CNN)
Federer was too overwhelmed to withhold tears at the end of Aussie open this year too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A72M2mZ2wHA
The radio commentator in AO Radio was telling “Well, who can’t be overwhelmed? We were crying too!” Same thing was echoed by other former and current Tennis players like Chris Evert and Eugenie Bouchard.
Is it a sign of weakness for Federer to cry when he wins or loses? I don’t think so.
Father George’s experience
When I was doing my Under Graduation, Professor Father George was the closest to all students compared to all other Professors. He narrated an incident that happened after Tsunami struck Tamil Nadu in 2004.
He went to a village that has almost been washed away – most people were dead and survivors had lost most of their possessions. He met with a survivor whose entire family was dead – his grandparents, parents, uncle’s family, his spouse and kids – all were dead. He was crying to Father George “Why only I had to survive? Why didn’t God kill me too?”
Father George was fighting tears as he was telling this to us “I had gone there precisely to comfort such people. But when that guy told his story, I found it hard not to cry and I was searching for an answer to give him.” As he was telling this, the 10 male students including me were desperately fighting tears. Later, I was left wondering why the 10 of us were fighting tears when we heard this story. Anyone having a bit of empathy and kindness left in him would cry in such a moment right?
(For those of you thinking what happened afterward in Father George’s story: Finally, Father George summoned up the courage and told him “God has left you alive because he has a higher purpose for you. Take heart. Show your kindness to other souls in distress.” I later came to know this phenomenon experienced by the survivor is known as Survivor’s guilt: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt )
Should real men cry?
Science says crying is a natural way of stress relief. It signals to yourself and others that you have something that needs to be attended to. The more you bottle up, more stress builds up and it will ultimately harm you.
Men who face depression and anxiety find it difficult to come out of it because they feel they will be considered vulnerable if they seek support. This is really wrong. When you need support, seek that. There is nothing wrong about it.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a male or a female – seeking support and crying are signs of strength – not weakness. There is absolutely nothing shameful about it. Ditch the foolish ideal “men don’t cry” – it is doing more harm than good to put up a “brave” face. Be bold and break such stereotypes!
